Last night, as I was getting ready to leave the house, how well my recovery is going hit me. Wearing a size 6 skirt, high heels, and in high spirits, I didn’t feel back to my “old self” but brand new. After my diagnosis and wheelchair sentence, I had to toss most of my high heels and smaller size clothing. Five years ago, I would have been leaving to go to a bar, but last night, I was leaving to go to a class at college.
My point is that not only does a diagnosis change your life; sometimes it may be for the better. I've been dealing with hospitals and doctors and diagnosis since childhood.
I miss my apartment, even though it was the size of a shoe-box. I miss my busy schedule, even though it has been replaced by endless pre-med classes, homework, and studying. However, when my life slows down, I have more time to reflect, so its important to me to keep as occupied as I possibly can. The routine has changed, but my diagnosis still looms.
I am often asked how I deal with the trauma of a diagnosis. Flashbacks? Nightmares? Fear? Do I go about in pity of myself? I have no guilt or resentments. Although I have experienced bumps in the road, the forecast is sunny, and only because I have chosen it to be. I look forward to tomorrow, and I always expect the best of my future. If the wheelchair has to come down from the attic one day for my use, let it be; I’ve bounced back before and I can do it again. This is a love of life and how my diagnosis has changed me for the better. Yes, there are bad days, but it’s up to you on how you perceive them. Pre-MS, I was not like this. I was terribly negative, pessimistic and full of immaturity. I had taken advantage of friends and they had taken advantage of me. I had no concept of time, no real sense of what love was, and thanks to my diagnosis, I have been able to experience it all and learn how to change.
Remember to never wait for things to change. It’s up to you to change them. If I was unhappy with the steroid weight, I bought a bike and rode it till my legs wanted to break. I made new friends and kept old ones that have been loyal to me, no matter how hard things may have been.
I have beautiful things, a nice home, a fancy car, and the expensive clothes. I believe life should be enjoyed, but material possessions are not my happiness. My experience has taught me that without the love of my family and friends, all of my success so far would ring hollow. There are so many perfect moments in the day, and I don’t want to miss a single one. This is the best advice I could give anyone with Multiple Sclerosis; Savor life. Live every moment to its fullest. Breathe.
