“You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself once and awhile. It’s okay,” says Mom.
I have a hypothetical biological clock ticking away, now that my birthday is looming. I feel kind of robbed of my 20’s because of Multiple Sclerosis. Even though I still have a few more years until I turn 30, I feel as if I were racing the clock to make the best of it.
Speaking to someone from the MS Society, I said I want to help prevent what has happened to me. When I was first diagnosed at 23 years old, I felt as if I were the only young woman in the world with this problem; of course it turned out otherwise. The loneliness a diagnosis gives someone is heartbreaking. No matter how much support a family will give, the number of friends that decide to stick around, or confidence in yourself, the long road of MS is an awfully lonely one.
Though, I’m trying to spin it. I’m attempting to put together a support group for younger people like myself so we have a place to go; a safe haven to feel accepted. All I want to do is help people.
Today, I’ve been wondering what my life would have been like if I were never diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Would I be married? Would I have even attempted to go back to school like I have? Or would have I taken advantage of my life, wasting it away? The future is a scary place. I have goals, ambition, an idea of a direction, but with MS, you feel like you have an expiration date. Will I wake up tomorrow morning with feeling in my legs? Will I be able to see? After four years, these feelings haven’t gone away, but time has lessened the sting.
Then again, there are things to be thankful for. I don’t think I would have this kind of motivation if it weren’t for MS. The emotional maturity and respect of others is amazing, but I feel like I was forced to grow up too fast.
