I’ve been hesitating writing about the subject of prescription medication. I don’t even feel comfortable talking about it to friends, let alone the blog-o-sphere.
In my late teens, early twenties, I drank a lot. I may have experimented with things, but I didn’t consider myself with any kind of drug habit; only a normal kid my age.
Not everyone with MS feels pain in the same way. Some have a burning sensation, some are sensitive to the touch, and others are often mistaken for arthritis pain.
I feel pain in my joints, at all times. If you remember growing pains as a kid – that’s exactly what I’m talking about. Sometimes a doctor will ask, “on a scale to 1-10, what is your pain rating. Ten being the worst.” The worst pain I have ever felt was when I was in the first stages of the diagnosis. My mother used to touch my feet, a gesture of comfort, and I would yell at her because the sensation was as if she were executing me. As time went on, because of being in a wheelchair, my joints started to ache. I now receive Cortisone shots in my kneecaps.
In the beginning, a doctor prescribed me Percocet. At that time, I had thought I found the cure. The pain went away, my mood changed, and I was able to do daily day-to-day things I hadn’t been able to do before. However, my body became used to Percocet and the doctors at UPENN thought I needed something that was long term, for chronic pain. I was prescribed Fentanyl patches. The patches eventually did work, but they couldn’t stay on properly to my extra sensitive skin; they were making me break out in rash, as well. The last resort was a prescription for Oxycontin, given to me two years ago.
Oxycontin is supposed to be taken every 12 hours. Two years ago, I started off at 20mg and now I’m up to 40mg, because just like the Percocet, my body was becoming used to it. I can completely understand why a heroin addict does what they do. Say I run out of meds, I’m late making an appointment to go get them; I never knew what a “10 on the pain scale” really was until I started experiencing withdrawls.
Around the time you are supposed to take your next dose, you start to get a runny nose, a headache, and like a friend described as “your skin feels like it’s crawling”. Last year at work, my medication was stolen and I was left with absolutely nothing. I actually had to go make a police report for proof to show my doctor (whom I’ve been going to since I was 13 years old). Within that week, I started sweating, vomiting, and I couldn’t keep still. I didn’t sleep, eat, and I couldn’t function like a normal person. My doctor did re-fill it, and she let me know that a sudden “cold turkey” going off synthetic heroin like Oxycontin can actually cause a heart attack. Now, pain or no pain, I feel forced to take the medication to function properly. Luckily, NJ legalized the use of marijuana for MS and cancer patients. Within the year, I will have a prescription for marijuana, and be able to grow 2 plants on my own. I won’t have to worry about the number 10 on the pain scale anymore, of overdosing, or of heart attacks. I rather worry about getting a serious case of the munchies.
Finally, I met a young woman the other day and she’s been on my mind for the last few days. The girl kept asking me, "what is going to happen to me?" She is only a year younger than I was when I was first diagnosed. She’s new to the diagnosis, new to the MS Society. Telling her it will be alright, I knew deep down that she will experience that 10 on a pain scale just like I had, emotionally and physically. I didn't have the heart to say it. It’s brought back a lot of bad memories of that first week in the hospital, and the consequences of my diagnosis. I know that girl will have a long, long, difficult road ahead of her. And I know she knows it too. I feel for her, I really do. In a matter of not only a year, I had lost my boyfriend, a lot of “friends”, my apartment, my car, and the sanity of not only myself, but my family. Now, close friends of mine always compliment the way I have handled my Multiple Sclerosis, even though I’ve hidden it very well. But have I really handled it well? I still feel lingering depression about it, not to mention anxiety and a serious lack of trust within my social group.
So, I think about her, and all of the other millions of other young kids diagnosed with MS. I’ve been attending college, my major being Psychology, for awhile now. My goal was to go into Research, but I know now I want to work with the physically disabled. I want to make sure no one ever has to 'hurt worst'.
