Head Or Heart

It's always been a process for me making girlfriends.  I've always got along with boys more than any females I've come across.  However, when I do make girlfriends, we usually form a pretty damn solid friendship.  The girls I've been spending a lot of time with lately are absolutely amazing.  There isn't any kind of competition, or back-talking, or any of that.  One girl I work with said last night, "I love how we're all like sisters."  And it's true -- I feel like I have 5 sisters that I'm incredibly close with.

Work is going well.  It's tough -- eeeesh!  My schedule is all out of whack:  bar closes at 3 a.m. and bedtime is around 6 a.m.  Sometimes I'll go out after work... a friend will come to the bar and wait for me to get finished.  Or I'll go out with people I work with (honestly, 90% of the people I'm very close with are co-workers).  I've gotten into the swing of things, though.  My boss has told me I'm high energy and very out-going, so I've collected a little bit of a following at work... like, people just asking for me.  My ankles feel like they are about to break by the end of night from wearing high heels for hours on end, but I've been soaking in Epson salt baths.  I'm also losing a lot of weight.  I'm eating around 1200 calories a day, only later to burn them off by working 6+ hours.  Not to mention, I'm getting really toned in the process.  Wearing a bathing suit has never, ever felt this proud.

Still hanging out with some guys, seeing what's out there.  Since I'm not really looking for anything serious at the moment, it's proven to be a problem finding a guy who really isn't looking for anything serious (crazy, right?).  I usually go for guys older than me, so of course they have marriage and babies on the brain.  I'm just not feeling the same feelings they have, I guess...

Plus, the whole thing with Chunks might have been one of the most dramatic things I've ever dealt with, especially for someone who wasn't a boyfriend.

Life is so crazy right now (in a totally good way), and I hate knowing he's missing out on it, or not even a part of it.  Or not getting to know who I am NOT during the worst timing of our lives.  Hate it.  And I hate that I feel that way.  Although, I'm not going to act on it.  Unfortunately, it's always been my habit to fill the void somehow, and some boys might be casualties... but, I won't contact him. 

Someone e-mailed me this question:

Natalie,  with all of your health issues, how do you remain so upbeat and live life to "it's fullest"?  -- Cathryn, 31, PA

So this is my response...

We are all dying -- whether we're sick or not -- we're all closer to death every second of the day.  I may out live a healthy friend, who knows?  Do I want to waste those seconds wondering if I should do something?  Whether or not I should go for what makes me happy?  Do I really want to waste that time being afraid of something?  Hell no!
Don't go to bed at night until you did at least one thing that day that made you feel accomplished... whether that accomplishment is something hypothetical or not.  Go on, live long enough where when you're 90 years old and can look back on your life with a story to tell.  Make life your inspiration.  And always, always follow your heart.  If it's head or heart -- always go with heart.