Bikini Season

Losing weight taking Prednisone treatments is hardcore.  It's a total up-hill battle.  I've been extremely active the past few months:  medicine ball exercises, jogging up and down the art museum steps (ever seen Rocky?!), little weight training here and there with my friend's boyfriend who is a personal trainer, but mostly cardio.  I've also been on a strict diet -- eggs for breakfast, salad for lunch, fruit and almonds for snacks and chicken (or) fish for dinner.

So, I went out and bought a new bikini.  Still got a big booty, but I'm looking forward to the beach : )

BEFORE

CLICK TO ENLARGE

CLICK TO ENLARGE

My Weight Flucuation Over The Years

CLICK IMAGES TO ENLARGE...

Ridiculous wigs.
Less ridiculous wigs. My normal weight, 5' 8" and 130-140lbs, size 6-8.
At this point, I was 118lbs and I am at 5'8".



You can obviously see the outline of my entire ribcage. My boyfriend at the time was able to touch the tips of his fingers on both hands when his hands were around my waist.

I felt so unattractive those days. Even though my hair was growing back, my face was gray in pallor, I was flat as a pancake and to make things worse, my father used to tell me I looked like a little boy.
My arms were the size of pencils.
This picture is so old. This was once my beautiful long, natural red hair. I want it back so badly.
Me, now. At a healthy weight of 137lbs, size 8. And a nice booty.

Steroids vs. Weight Loss

February 17, 2011





When I was weighed the first day at the hospital, I was only 109lbs. I was severely underweight. It’s not like I starved myself, I wasn’t even on a diet. I worked a job that required walking for 12 hours a day, where we could not sit, eat, or have a lunch break. My food intake was scraps from the restaurant I was working at and alcohol after my shift. At the restaurant, when food became “bad” (food taken back to the kitchen and sat unwanted), we waitresses would pick at the dish like scavengers. I ate, but I would burn all of the calories waitressing. On top of that, I lived in the city where I would walk or use a bicycle.



When the nurses would come into my room to administer a Heparin shot (blood thinners for those who are bed-ridden), they would always joke that I had no fat on my stomach to poke the needle in. Then the steroids started.



Steroids will make you gain weight quicker than you can say, “how the hell did I gain all of this weight?!” Never mind the chalky aftertaste of an IV-steroid drip, that stuff made you super duper hungry. I did nothing but sit in bed, watch television and eat. I thought, “I need to gain weight anyway, so who cares?”… but like I said, the weight packed on… and on… and on.



Our Lady Of Lourdes (the rehab I spent a total of 6 months recovering) had an awesome cafeteria; especially considering hospital food is probably worse than eating dog food. I gained more weight than I’d like to admit on my blog, and by the time I was released, my size 0-2 clothing had to go. After 3 years, I was a size 14. I had never been that big in my life, all because of steroids and the side effects. The weight gain made me so embarrassed to leave the house and see old friends because I didn’t want them to see a fat Natalie. I had to do something about it, especially when my blood work came back and I was diagnosed with high cholesterol. Worse, the rapid weight gain (not to mention being in a wheelchair) was torture on my knees, and I still have problems with them – I get cortisone shots in both knees every few months to this day.



So I started to exercise and diet. I stopped smoking. I even stopped drinking alcohol. Weight was coming off, but slowly. The past year, I started to really push myself – running a marathon, doing MS Walks, using the stairs instead of elevators, biking, and taking exercise classes. I also held a strict diet, and still do. I make smoothies: bananas, strawberries and some low fat frozen yogurt. I eat fruit and granola for breakfast with Slimfast, another Slimfast for lunch, almonds whenever I have the munchies, but I ate dinner. Dinner, however, I cut in half. I bought smaller plates. Biggest weight loss plan: STOP EATING SALT! I do, occasionally on the weekends, cheat and eat crap food, and drink alcohol on occasion (usually vodka). Eventually, my stomach shrank and food was no longer the enemy.



Every month, I lose more and more weight. Since the fall, I started jogging in the morning, I’ve lost so much weight, and I feel extremely healthy. I’m 5’ 8” and I’m definitely not aiming to go back to the body I had before MS. I looked pretty sickly. I’m now a size 6, my legs are toned and my belly is thinner.



Steroid weight is a total bitch to get rid of, but it is possible and totally hard work. It takes dedication. The downside? Buying new clothes every few weeks. But the feeling of squeezing into a size small/medium is totally worth it.

In The End, Life Is Stronger Than Death

Went to the doctor today. The reason being was I am having a hard time ingesting food, and I constantly feel as if my gag reflux was checking in some over-time. It was not a neurologist, just my internal medicine doctor. For weeks, I had a horrible case of the hiccups, always choking on food, the thought of eating made me gag even though it smelled delicious and eating has become a chore.

For example, eating hard food felt like it was going down the wrong tube. That is the closest I can compare it to.

It was discomforting (to say the least) to find that my symptoms came back to my MS. I was diagnosed with Dysphagia.

Definition: It seems like swallowing would just be second nature, not something we have to think about in order to do safely. However, swallowing is a complicated process that involves all sorts of muscle coordination and feedback to and from the brain through certain nerves and neural pathways. Multiple sclerosis (MS) can damage any of these nerves as well as the area of the brain responsible for coordinating swallowing, the brain-stem. This can lead to swallowing difficulties, called Dysphagia.

And what does Dyspagia feel like?

- Difficulty chewing

- Coughing while eating or immediately afterwards.

- The need to swallow more than twice.

- Choking sensations.

- Food sticking in the throat.

- Weak, soft voice.

- Feeling that it is hard to swallow food or move it to the back of the mouth.

- Aspiration, meaning food or drink is going down the windpipe into the lungs.

And why I'm in panic mode:

Dysphagia can become so severe that people become dehydrated or malnourished. If the tips for managing swallowing difficulties (such as chewing your food thoroughly and adding thickener to your drinks) don’t work, it may be necessary to use a feeding tube. Aspirated food or liquids can also cause aspiration pneumonia. This is a particularly dangerous lung infection, and it is the number one cause of death in people with MS.

This is what my cousin Johnny passed away from.

My doctor called my neurologist immediately and informed him of my situation. It usually takes a pretty damn long time to get an appointment with a specialist, but in this case, my neurologist made me his first priority on Monday morning.

This could go two ways:

1. I could be admitted into yet another rehab for speech and swallowing therapy. They would want to watch me for the next few days because at the rate I'm losing weight and not eating (or picking at food), the idea of malnutrition was brought up. I would also need a scan and ultrasound of my throat.

2. I could possibly have a nurse come to my home and hook up the IV's again. Also, I would have a therapist come to the home to monitor me.

The thought of going into the hospital does not deter my worry -- the thought of death does.

In The Best Of Shape

Halloween, 2010

- Running/jogging every morning
- Pole dancing exercise class; this is bringing out muscles I never knew I had
- Yoga/Pilates
- Healthy diet; mostly chicken, fish and veggies. One day a week, I will splurge with junk and alcohol.

Down to 138lbs, mostly muscle. The smallest I have ever been was 114lbs, but I looked extremely unhealthy because I'm 5'8". Anything around 120lbs will make me look like a bobble head. The best part -- I FEEL extremely healthy, flexible and fantastic. I'm losing about 2lbs per week.

I'm not too concerned about losing the actual weight; I'm naturally thin to begin with. It's the muscles I'm trying to rebuild from being in a wheelchair so long. I had a lean, muscular build before the MS happened and that is my main goal, which seems like I'm almost there already.

When Is Enough, Enough?

"Too much of a good thing does not make it a good thing very long" -- my fortune cookie.

I wish I could stay this age forever.

Recently, I won award money for school by writing an essay on MS and what it was like being disabled. After the next semester, I'll start applying for the bigwig schools. I'm excited about my higher education and how far I've come.

Though, I'm still pushing myself. There's a marathon in the spring and I figured if I could ride a bike, I could definitely run on foot. I barely have any free time and I'm always on the go, something I like but I can feel my body telling me "enough already". On top of that, I barely eat. It's not something I choose to do purposely, I'm just so busy that I can never tell if I'm hungry or not. I can't use the same pair of pants after 3 weeks because they become too big; have no idea what size I am now. And I have two work projects coming up that guarantee even more of a time-suck.

The friendships I had in my youth are so much different than what they are today. Today, we talk about love, life and change. Then, we talked about bars, sex and drama. All the bridges are burned between any hostile friendships I have had. It warms my heart to hear about friends getting married, having children or are successful at work. The stability at this age can get shaky, but watching it bloom into something so fantastic is amazing.

I have a very close friend, MG, that I care about very deeply. She’s the reason I’ve been fortunate enough to experience life without my walls up. MG has brought happiness in my life and when I’m around her, I feel at home. Last night, me, MG and another close friend, A, were sitting on a roof deck in Northern Liberties, looking at the Philadelphia skyline. That moment was euphoria. I’m a sucker for the “little things”, and moments like that always stick in my mind the most. I was in the greatest city in the world, with some of the most extraordinary people I’ve been lucky to meet.

For four years, I avoided dating altogether. It came time this past year to decide whether or not I was ready for a relationship. Of course, there are always a few frogs or guys that aren’t mutually mentally and emotionally mature as I am at this point in life. It’s been so long since I have felt anything for anyone romantically. I would never have believed how difficult it is to find someone that can quit playing games and let things happen naturally. It’s also difficult for guys to get used to my schedule. I’m so curious to how something could develop considering my friendships have grown this beautifully. Won’t lie; I’m so very tired of the dating game. I hate that there are conceived rules, pressure on marriage and mind tricks. I’m tired of bullshit.
A partnership where just being around each other is enough, where sex becomes intense due to a special chemistry, and the ability to feel absolutely comfortable.

For so long, I was dependent on other people to help me; bathe, eat, walk. It's nice for a change, to depend on one person, like I have been for awhile. But the other people in my life make living so much sweeter.

Losing Weight, Gaining Muscle.

Bike rides, 6 day a week exercise, yoga, weight training, running.

Luckily, I have my father's genes. We are able to lose weight quickly, and are naturally tall and slender.
Not so lucky, buying a new pair of pants every few weeks because they get too big.

I'll Make A Great Pet.

My family realized that while my condition was worsening, I wouldn’t be able to live in a two-story apartment, with small doors and heavy carpeting. My second hospital stay was longer, so my family took the opportunity to look for a home that would accommodate my handicapped needs.

My sister from Buffalo flew in to help my parents find a home. My sister was always great at handling the most stressful of situations. Family visits were mostly them showing photos of homes they have visited, fix-me-ups that needed work, and my father detailing how he would made the home handicapped accessible. Meanwhile, I’m being thrown around by hearing the word “handicapped” every 5 minutes from my family. It was a bad word, and I didn’t want to hear it; I didn’t want to believe in it. I felt as if I were becoming the nuisance and something that created more trouble than necessary.

I was being treated like my family was adopting a dog, trying to prepare the house for safety and potty training.

On the other hand, my speech therapist was a young woman confined to a wheelchair. My father, who sometimes is oblivious to the things that come out of his mouth, was so surprised that they let a woman in a wheelchair work at a hospital.

“That’s so nice of them to help her!” he says, oblivious that the statement would be disrespectful.

She fell off a bunk bed at 19 and crushed her spinal cord. My speech therapist made a very big impact on my recovery. It was the first time I would speak with someone who knew what I was going through, but also tell me about a bright future I could have in a wheelchair. She was married, had a great job, and loving friends; all things I wanted but didn’t think I could have being in a wheelchair.

My three-month stay in the hospital was coming to an end and I was terrified of being in the “real world”, riding in my wheelchair. My speech therapist prepared me, Rocky-style, on how to cope being handicapped.

There is one thing I had wrong about being handicapped at my age; pity. I really thought people would see this young girl in a wheelchair and think, “oh gee, I’m sorry!” However, when I made the rare treks outside, I was in someone’s way. People would huff and puff, and try to blow my wheelchair down to get past me. Children would climb on my wheelchair, and their parents would be too embarrassed to stop them. How could this be attractive? An overweight, handicapped girl with rug-rats using her wheelchair like a jungle gym.

Visual Reference: Steroid Side Effects.

2005: size 2
late 2006: size 2
late 2007: size 12
now (2010): size 8

Beginning of 2007 was spent in a wheelchair, and 2008, along with daily doses of Prednisone, contributed to dramatic weight gain. As of now, I'm still losing weight, with the help of daily exercise, and a healthy diet.

Back To Shape

The combination of the steroids and living in a wheelchair had made me gain a lot of weight. Since December, I've lost 35lbs and I'm very close to being my goal weight again. It didn't come easy.

First, I stopped taking steroids. This is a super controversy, much to my family's chagrin, but the steroids were making me gain a ton of weight. No matter what the symptom was, I would work through it on my own with therapy.

Second, I got off my ass. Being determined enough to get back to my old self, I found things to do: painted the house, cleaned, walked to the store instead of driving, and using the stairs instead of an elevator.

I also stopped eating unhealthy. Not only did I notice a difference in weight, I noticed that my symptoms were far and few in-between. I'd have a Slim-Fast and a fruit cup for breakfast. For lunch, I'd make a smoothie. Six to seven strawberries, a tiny bit of cream, 2 cups of 2% milk, 2 tablespoons both frozen strawberry and vanilla yogurt.
If I was craving stacks, I would eat almonds, grapes or berries.
Dinner time is most difficult. I avoided as much carbohydrates as possible. Only turkey, skinniness chicken, or fish and a side of vegetables. I cheat on my diet, maybe, twice a week. Whatever food is on my plate, I only eat half of it. I also made use of smaller plates to force myself to have smaller portions.

There is a Multiple Sclerosis Bike-A-Thon later in the year that I had signed up to. It's a 25m bike ride that needs intense training. At first, it was little a time. A half a mile here, a mile there, and then riding 5 miles a day. Since it has been pretty hot out, I wait to ride my back till the sun starts to set and it gets cooler outside (usually around 7 or 8 o'clock).

For my last advice, be careful. You will know when your body wants to stop, so don't push it. Even on the days you feel extra tired, take a little nap, and get that little needed energy to exercise.