Any Psych 101 student can explain to you the Kübler-Ross model, commonly known as The Five Stages of Grief. Kübler-Ross added that these stages are not meant to be complete or chronological. Her theory also holds that not everyone who experiences a life-threatening or life-altering event feels all five of the responses nor will everyone who does experience them do so in any particular order. The theory is that the reactions to illness, death, and loss are as unique as the person experiencing them. Some people may get stuck in one stage.
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STAGE 1. SHOCK & DENIAL (2006)
You will probably react to learning of illness with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the diagnosis at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks, or in my case, years.
You will probably react to learning of illness with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the diagnosis at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks, or in my case, years.
A lot of friends and family would ask me, "why didn't you tell us sooner?", but in all honesty, it takes some time to accept the news on your own before having the time to tell others. I always believed telling people your diagnosis was making it a reality.
STAGE 2. PAIN & GUILT (2007)
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it.
I turned to alcohol. Some turn to drugs, others turn to casual sex.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do, or what you did to deserve it. Life feels chaotic and unstable during this phase.
I struggled daily with the thought of karma -- what did I do to deserve this?
STAGE 3. ANGER &BARGAINING (2008)
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for diagnosis on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. Even though MS claims it's not hereditary, I felt as if my father done the damage (MS took the life of his sister's son; my cousin). This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
STAGE 4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS (2009 - 2010)
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. "Things could always be worse," people say. During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your diagnosis.
STAGE 3. ANGER &BARGAINING (2008)
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for diagnosis on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. Even though MS claims it's not hereditary, I felt as if my father done the damage (MS took the life of his sister's son; my cousin). This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
STAGE 4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS (2009 - 2010)
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. "Things could always be worse," people say. During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your diagnosis.
I isolated myself on purpose -- after my diagnosis, I swore of relationships for 5 years. The most time I'd spend with someone was up to 3 weeks, and out the door I went. I didn't feel worthy of a healthy relationship. I felt damaged, unwanted and not needed. I always focused on memories of the past. I have never felt that truly lonely in my life during those years.
STAGE 5. THE UPWARD TURN (End of 2010 - 2011)
As you start to adjust to life with a diagnosis, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
STAGE 5. THE UPWARD TURN (End of 2010 - 2011)
As you start to adjust to life with a diagnosis, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
I was sick -- I cannot change that, it is who I am. Accept me as I am or not.
Make your diagnosis a positive attribute in your life, like I did when I started this blog two years ago.
STAGE 6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH (2011 - NOW)
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life with a diagnosis. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life with health complications.
STAGE 6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH (2011 - NOW)
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life with a diagnosis. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life with health complications.
I started dating again, not looking for a serious relationship because I knew I wasn't ready, but I started dating to find company, just not casual sex/dating. I would meet the first person I'd care about during this period, and even though it was shaky, I learned how to care again. I would learn what it took to make a relationship healthy, since it had been almost 6 years. I started opening up to people I cared about, sharing my thoughts and feelings with others. And I started to love myself again.
I also learned you could move a thousand miles away, find new friends or try to live a new life -- but you will never be happy, no matter where you are or who you are with, if you aren't happy with yourself.
STAGE 7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE (2012 - NOW)
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you may or may not return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward -- you will find a NEW you.
STAGE 7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE (2012 - NOW)
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you may or may not return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward -- you will find a NEW you.
I feel ready to share my life with others, I feel ready to let love in and begin a healthy relationship. I feel ready to show my life to someone I care about without the fear of them learning how damaged I had become because of my diagnosis. Finally feeling carefree and able to relax again, I haven't felt this calm in years. I'm finally happy again, with the new person I had become.
