I’ve been really pushing myself the past few weeks. The girl I used to be, the social butterfly, has been flying free.
As good as it sounds, I need to remind myself that I’m 27, not 23 years old. Today marked a new low in weak, tired and burnt out. The confidence life has given me makes me forget about the MS, nothing but an after-thought when trying to have normalcy. I feel like I’m in the fast lane, without a break pedal. My sister called it “making up for lost time,” for all the days in my twenties I have spent in recovery.
The past few weeks, I’ve been feeling hard inside. I’m not as trusting anymore, nor am I willing to open up.
Getting to this point has cost me a lot of energy. I didn’t have the option to have someone to go to; illnesses are scary, remember? There is a tolerance to feeling too much, for wanting something so bad. I mentally put myself through boot camp spending an obscene amount of time in hospitals and rehabs. The downside to this is the fact I’m too cautious, and maybe deep down inside that social butterfly lives a socially awkward, very emotionally challenged girl.
