A very close friend of mine passed away. While I was sick, she was one of the very few people that stuck around and I loved her for that. Her funeral was tonight.
While packing up her apartment, her death made me question my life and mortality. Sometimes I get jealous of the people that are able to wake up, be lazy and go hang out at bars without a worry in the world. This was me a few years ago.
I have no idea what will become of me. My health is erratic. The time when I lost sleep over it are long gone, but I don’t ever want to say, “I really wish I did that”.
So I made a deal with myself tonight –
I will try to eliminate “no” from my vocabulary. I’ll make plans, never break them. Have complete and total mind blowing fun, while becoming a family with friends. I will never doubt them. I will catch a bullet for them.
Surprise my parents. They believe my disability will hold me back. I will prove them wrong. I will continue public speaking, kicking college’s ass, and do as much possible charity I can. I will try to help people, inspire people. Prove them wrong.
I will stop giving a shit what people think of me. Their opinion doesn’t matter; it never did. I will do whatever I want, say whatever I want, whenever I want.
When I meet someone, I will not be awkward or sabotage myself because I believe it will fail. I will not worry that I’m different from other girls and my lifestyle with MS makes some things intimidating. I will no longer lie to guys and say, “I have a boyfriend”.
If I fall for someone, I will love him. I will cherish, inspire and care for him. He can do whatever he please and I will support him. I will be his light when there is darkness. I will be his best friend.
And whenever I feel down, I will remember the day I first used a wheelchair and then I’ll look at the success I’ve had and realize maybe things aren’t that bad.
