Natalie,
My boyfriend of almost 3 years has been diagnosed with early stages of MS. What can I do to make things easier for him. I stay up on the phone and we laugh and we go out and have fun and hes like my best friend, but what else can I do? I don’t know alot about it or how he feels unless he tells me but i dont want to bring it up with him all the time. and now his mindset is different, last night he said to me "life is all a memory. When we get off the phone now this conversation will just be another thing that’s happened" I dont want him to think like this it upsets me and of course being a male he refuses to confide his feelings in me. It’s very hard to get him to talk. ANYWAY can someone give me some advice on how to treat him? He’s going to start "avonex" soon.
This is a tough one. Even though I don’t exactly have the mindset of a man and could possibly help you about what his intentions are, I can do my best. But my advice is simple enough – keep doing what you are doing.
The worst thing you can do with someone diagnosed with MS is treat him or her differently. We already feel like a special case. Doctors treat us like a diagnosis. Others treat us with pity. The most important people in our lives should treat us with the same love and respect they had for us before we were diagnosed.
Us folk with MS tend to keep our guard up at all times. It is not you, or your relationship. It’s his relationship with his diagnosis. Us MS’ers treat time as something more precious than any other normal being. We aren’t exactly sure if we’ll be walking tomorrow, be able to hold our children when we are older, or see our loved ones turn gray. I wouldn’t be offended, or hurt, by his comment. He sounds like he is still working on the worst part of his diagnosis; acceptance.
If you feel the need to talk about it, then do so. But right now, he may be looking more for an ear (or shoulder), rather than someone reminding him of how crappy it is to be diagnosed and the endless possibility of problems that go along with it.
Dating and having MS sucks. We have more baggage than any other fish in the sea and it takes a very special person to accept us (and love us) for who we are. It's been four years for me and I still haven't found that special someone. Consider himself lucky to have you.
So what I can only advise you to do, besides be your awesome loving self of a girlfriend, is show him a great time. Don’t dwell on the past, what could be or what should be. Live life in the moment and never take it for granted. Being positive really rubs off on people.
