I'm starting to think the past few months, my denial about what my life is really like spiraled me into situations I normally wouldn't have put myself in, or actions I normally wouldn't have done. I'm a little embarrassed of myself but hey... live and learn.
Talking to that guy I like earlier... I told him I stayed in tonight because I was in pain. My legs hurt. I also said I have to get up early for a doctors appointment. We had a long talk about everything I've been talking about here. My attempts at normality, my attempts at trying to look my life was perfect in every way so no one would remember that I was sick in the first place. Dammit, it felt good. It felt good to finally tell the truth. I can't wait to see how this plays out.
I'll be filming my doctor's appointment, by the way.
I haven't felt this much peace in years -- a peace with myself. I've been so unsatisfied, so unhappy, playing games, doing too much acting... and now? I feel like I'm free. I'm finally free. Good God, I haven't felt this good in so, so long.
